You know who I love in the whole best town…

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Holland says this to me multiple times a day. She tells me she loves me and it is PRECIOUS. I say the same thing back to her and we go back and forth until she gets tired (I never want to be the one to stop). Even in the midst of temper tantrums or whining I go back to her precious words and what a sweet heart she has.

Her sweet heart reminds me of the importance of encouragement.

I want to thank everyone who has given our family words of encouragement over the past month. It has been a rough month but also filled with so many blessings at the same time. I am very thankful for all of our friends and family who have come along side us and who have loved us well.

We are very thankful to all of you.

And they keep on comin…

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On January 30 Hayes started getting a runny nose… I didn’t think much of it, we all have runny noses. Turns out babies with runny noses: Kind of a BIG deal. We took him to the doctor on Jan 31 and turns out he had RSV, not a huge deal, he was doing pretty well so we just got a suction machine and kept a close eye on him. By February 2 he wasn’t eating and that afternoon he literally turned blue. I called Dave panicked, then our neighbors: the Roberts and asked them to come get the kids and drove like a bat out of hell to the emergency room. It was maybe the most panicked I have ever been: ever. This is what he looked like AFTER the resuscitation team came to revive him: so you can only imagine what he looked like before. We spent Saturday night in the hospital and I hoped it wouldn’t be too long: well, I was wrong… we didn’t get released until Tuesday afternoon. I was trapped in the hospital with no visitors because no one under the age of 14 was allowed and we only have the Roberts here who have children. So, I spent Super Bowl Sunday by myself in the hospital and had a lot of time to think, pray and watch TV🙂

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So, during the time we were in the hospital Dave got a call from Chick-fil-A. He had gone to some interviews for a store in Colorado on January 25 and we were waiting to hear back with the next steps. We had been told that Dave was the number one candidate for a specific store and really had our hopes up about it… he didn’t get it… again. 

Kind of a crushing blow. on February 3

February 4 he had a conversation with the business consultant that told him he was his number one candidate and his current boss. Another crushing blow: they told him that his interviews are so bad that they don’t instill confidence. Even though his results have been consistently in the top 20% of the chain and he has a great relationship with the business consultant he can’t get past HR and the interview process. We were told that we can look at low volume malls but there aren’t really that many of those available. 

So… we are left to make a hard decision. Do we continue with Chick-fil-A and live in Texas or Florida (where the majority of the malls are) or do we chuck the past almost four years and start fresh with another career in Colorado or North Carolina? We need prayer. We need help deciding. 

I am obviously a control freak and I over-analyze and I over-communicate and I have been going over and over the possibilities for our future for the past couple of days. Dave is going to Seminar with CFA on Friday and won’t have access to a phone (he will be on a cruise in the bahamas). SO… this timing is actually really good. I am releasing control to him, I want him to decide as the one who has to do a job and will have to put in more years in a low volume mall or will have to potentially start a new career. So, Dave is going to take his time on the ship to pray and seek the Lord about what is next and I am going to fast and pray for him. Then we will do what he decides. I honestly didn’t think that I would leave such a big decision completely in his hands but I have complete faith in my husband. I also have complete faith in the Lord and I trust that Dave will be open to His leading. 

This process has been hard: emotionally, spiritually and physically… moving so much, having such a roller coaster to deal with and seeking the Lord and asking: WHAT? I am so confused… it seemed like so many doors were opening and we had such great relationships and they keep on slamming shut one after another.

I just am continuing to seek Him, to seek peace and to release control to him. I am also praying for His glory. We have the health of our family, our marriage is being strengthened by leaps and bounds through this and we are having to have complete blind trust. I can’t research options on the internet because I don’t know what to research… I don’t know where to go from here. 

I am thankful for how this is going to shape us and how we will eventually look back on this process but also it is very hard right now. I read this quote yesterday and it was very comforting to me because I have been coming back to the fact that God wants His glory to shine… He wants us to live for His glory and I don’t know that I do that: but I am learning. 

“He is doing a thousand things for you and for His glory in your disappointed plans.” -John Piper

I am just praying that God would be glorified and would work through all of the things going on right now to make me less and to bring Him glory. 

You know what though he is healthy:

ImageI have the best husband in the world who I have complete confidence in and we have two precious boys and one precious girl who are GIANT blessings. I have so much to be thankful for and I am mostly thankful for my relationship with the Lord and the fact that I know He has a plan for us and will use us for His glory.

I know I kind of poured my heart out there… I just have a lot of raw emotion to process and thought this was a good outlet🙂

 

 

Hayes Birth Story :)

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Hayes Birth Story :)

Hayes came into the world in an eventful manner :)… His labor was LONG and rough, but worth it!

Allison (my sister) came into town on December 27th just in case Hayes decided to come a little early, but that was not to be.

The 28th and 29th I tried everything to put myself into labor (2 hours of acupuncture, castor oil, long walks) but nothing worked. We decided that it would be best to be induced on December 30th (two days before my due date) because of the time frame allison could be here and not wanting to waste our help with me just being pregnant🙂. That is because we are in Ogden, UT and don’t really know anyone so it was important for us to have help here to watch Holland and Hudson.

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My due date was January first and I was supposed to go into the hospital at 6:30am on the December 30th to be induced but they called and didn’t have a bed for me- so, we got the kids and Allison ready for church, sent them off, ate breakfast, went to CFA and got some cookies for the nurses and did some reimbursements and then went to the hospital at 11:15am. We got checked in and they started me on pitocin at 12:30pm. I didn’t want to start on pitocin right away but I also didn’t want them to break my water. The nurses were so wonderful and I was crying and trying to decide what to do and they were so patient with me :)… I was so thankful for wonderful nurses and sad that we had to induce but I was SOO ready to not be pregnant anymore and it made more sense to induce labor since we didn’t know anyone and Allison was only going to be here for a limited amount of time.

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I was on pitocin from 12:30pm to 10pm and I only progressed to 4cm (I went in at 3cm and 70%). Dave and I watched the Broncos game and Sister Wives on TLC and then decided I should get my water broken. At this point we knew Hayes wasn’t going to have his own birthday since I was so little progressed at 10pm. I was kind of sad that he wouldn’t have his own birthday but he is the BEST present I have ever gotten for my birthday. The contractions with my water in tact weren’t bad at all- I was on 20cc’s a minute of pitocin for several hours and still didn’t feel them that much (the highest amount they will give you). Then, when they broke my water at 10pm it changed everything. About 1 gallon of water came out and every time I had a contraction water came gushing out. I was on the pit for another 30 minutes and then I got off because my body took over and started contracting on its own. I labored until 1am and they checked me and I was still only 6cm. I was in and out of the tub getting checked and monitored. At 2:30am they checked me and I was still 6cm. At that point Dave was falling asleep and I was SO exhausted from the contractions.

They were so intense and I opted to get an epidural. I had it by 3:30am and it relieved the pain on my right side and back but I could feel everything on my left side. That was fine though, because the contractions on my back felt like I was getting ripped in half. They were so intense that I thought for sure Hayes was posterior and he was having such a hard time dropping down (the whole labor he was at -2 station) I could tell the contractions were helping and they started me again on 8cc’s of pitocin. At 4:45am I was 9cm but he was still at -2 station (really high up) and we thought he was still posterior. By 5:15am I was fully dialated and I started to push him down on my own. At 5:25am I asked them to turn off the epidural and they came in and got everything ready . I asked for a mirror so I could see him and I got to see Hayes head. I could feel everything and I pushed about five times and he was out. I didn’t tear at all and had no stitches and he came out with the cord around his neck. Hayes was REALLY blue and they had to rub him a lot to get him to cry, but a few minutes later he was crying and pinking up.

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Hayes was born at 5:47am on December 31 after 17 hours and 15 minutes of labor (15.5 of that unmedicated). He was 8lbs and 3oz and 21 inches long. I sat him on my chest and he stayed there and we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and Dave cut it. He started nursing about 20 minutes after he was born and nursed for almost an hour. Hayes stayed with me for three full hours and then Dave took him.

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He peed on me a few minutes after birth and pooped on me while he was nursing, it was pretty funny. I got up and went to the bathroom and changed into my clothes and we walked down to the nursery and watched Hayes get his first bath.

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No one came to visit us because of flu season (the kids weren’t allowed in the hospital), but we left at 1pm on 1/1/13 w we were only at the hospital for a day. It was the best hospital experience we have had!

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We celebrated my birthday on the evening of the 31st. Dave went and got Chili’s and a chocolate mouse tart and some candles🙂. I couldn’t actually blow them out but we still sang. We were able to watch the ball drop on eastern time but didn’t make it until Mountain time… Hayes slept great that night and we were both able to get 6 straight hours of sleep.

We wanted Hayes to have his own birthday but God had other plans. My labor was WAY longer than we had planned!! My midwife and I thought he would be out in 3-4 hours so when I didn’t have him by 10+ hours I was shocked. I never imagined I would be in labor for 17 hours but he was worth every second! I also didn’t plan on having an epidural but it was a good experience because I only had it for 1 and 1/2 hours.

We came home around 3pm on 1/1/13 and the kids were awake. They met Hayes right away and were SO cute, Holland even started crying. The video of him coming home is long but it is precious if you have time to watch it🙂

 

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The Roberts family came over and brought us lasagna, bread and salad and also brought cookies and candles and sang to me. The kids were so excited to meet Hayes and all wanted to hold him! They were all so cute. Hayes spent all of dinner on his bili lights (he had to be on them for only 24 hours) and then we held him after we ate. Everyone sang to me and we took some group pictures and then it was time for bed time. It was such a fun evening and So fun to have Hayes home🙂

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We have been enjoying him so much!!

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When things are different than you planned…

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SO I know it has been FOREVER since I posted on here. I thought I would wait three days before I gave birth and three weeks after we moved to Utah since things have slowed down so much for us😉

But, after we didn’t get Longmont it took me a while to feel normal again. I was a little depressed and had to adjust my expectations completely for what our life was going to look like. God has taught me so much about putting my trust in HIM and not my circumstances. I have also had a lot of adjustments to my expectations about life in general. How nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed and God gives us what we can handle and He is ultimately in control.

Well, in the midst of our CFA journey I had an interesting parent teacher conference with Holland’s pre-k teacher at the end of October. She told me that she had some concerns about Holland. ::not following directions, not participating with the rest of the class, falling behind academically etc…

I was kind of shocked because Holland has always been ahead of the curve academically. She also has been in preschool since she was 18 months old, so she knows how to participate in the classroom setting. However, the things her teacher was seeing were also showing up at home: just on a smaller scale. ::Not paying attention, having to be told the same thing OVER AND OVER, displaying aggression (almost uncontrolled) toward her brother, being in her own world consistently

So, I thought that it was best that we have her evaluated by a psychologist. She went at the end of November and sure enough, when we had our meeting with him to discuss the outcome Holland has full blown ADHD.

She not only met the criteria in the classroom setting, at home and for the evaluation she also met the criteria on a test given to thousands of other four year old girls that tests attention disorders. He said it was an incredibly difficult test to qualify a child but Holland easily met the criteria.

So… what does this mean for us? Well… it means that I will have to adjust my expectations of having a child that will sit with me and play certain games and having a child that will be “easy” in school.

It also means that I get to raise a creative, empathetic, kind, think-outside-the-box, crazy imagination, full of life (and the list goes on) little girl.

On the recommendation of a dear friend who has adult ADD I started reading “Driven to Distraction” and it has helped me a lot with an understanding of how to best be a support to Holland. Some very influential and creative people have ADD/ADHD and most of their stories start with a great support system and empathy and understanding for the different way their brain works.

I want Holland to have my full empathy and understanding… raising her will come with its challenges and be more work than I was probably planning on🙂, but I believe that she will blossom and be such an amazing contributor to society when given the chance to succeed in her own way.

It isn’t what I would have planned but I am thankful for this wild little girl: I love her so much🙂

Sometimes…

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God answers prayer with a no. 

I really dislike that song by Garth Brooks, the one about unanswered prayer. God answers prayer, just sometimes the answer isn’t what we want or what we were praying for. 

We are in that boat right now. Dave had a talk with a guy from corporate first who gave him information I thought was encouraging… then he met with his business consultant. He told him that they were seriously interviewing someone else for the Longmont CFA, a guy from Dallas wants the store; he is willing to leave a higher volume unit to come to Longmont… don’t know why. So, Dave will most likely not get it.

I am pretty crushed to say the least. Dave took today off work to spend with me because I am so upset. Dave was very encouraged by the conversation and was given the feedback that he will be an excellent operator, hopefully of a free standing unit, just not right now. They want to see more from him but want to get someone in Longmont permanently. 

I don’t really understand the thought process and I don’t understand how something that seemed so perfect and so from God just isn’t working out. It is a mystery to me.

I am heartbroken because I wanted to have Holland in preschool, I wanted them to make friends, I want to have our baby near family. When I go into labor who do we call? I feel like everything I had envisioned for our future in Colorado is just gone right now. 

The business consultant said he wanted Dave in Colorado… he wants him to be here eventually. There are over 12 grand openings set to open within the next year. So… patience, patience is my goal right now. I have to make the best of wherever we are, release control (again) and trust that Longmont would have been good but God obviously is having us wait for His best.

Thank you for your prayers in this process. It has been a challenging roller coaster to say the least. I think the hardest part has been the expectations… thinking the store was going to be ours and having to change that completely, overnight. But at least we have an answer and can move on to the next thing: I am grateful for that…

I am grateful for A LOT. I am thankful for the lessons and the way I can already look back and see God’s provision, I am just looking forward to seeing how this situation He is going to use this situation: even though it is really hard right now. 

Just breathe….

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Dave has been waiting since his interview to hear whether or not he is still a candidate for Longmont. Well, he got the call today. He is still a candidate.

HOWEVER, he is a terrible interviewer :)… yup, they have told him many times that he is. He was told that his life story was, “a mile wide and two inches deep.” ouch.

But the thing is: it isn’t. Dave is a phenomenal person who has so many dimensions and passions and kindness and love and capacity for influence. You just don’t see that in an hour. Another reason I am CONVINCED that God put us in the store so that Dave can prove himself through results rather than interviews (because that obviously isn’t working).

So here is the update: Dave is not the man for Longmont: yet. They want to see him show what he can do. They told him that they don’t have another person on deck yet… but if someone shows up they really like they just might give the store to him/her. OKAY… got it. 

I honestly think it is fabulous news. I feel like I can breathe. I believe that God has us here and I have COMPLETE faith in God and in my husband. I know Dave can show that he can be successful at Longmont. We might be in corporate housing for an extended period of time, but I don’t really care about that. I have realized how hard our children are on a living space. The smaller, the cleaner and the less stuff to destroy, the less stuff that is destroyed🙂.

Ways that you can pray:

Pray that Longmont flourishes under Dave. Pray that God would provide leadership and full time people who are hard workers (they really need full time people: especially after school starts again). Pray that God would continue to open doors.

I feel like having more of an answer can help me to focus on something other than our situation. I mean, it will still be stressful looking at the numbers, hoping for good staff, etc… But, at least we have something tangible. Some sort of direction. 

Thank you for your prayers. 

Anxiety

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Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God brought this scripture to mind tonight. I have been VERY anxious about the future. I don’t want to move again, I mean I DON’T want to move again. I want to be settled, to have a community, to have a set job for Dave, to have a preschool for the kids, to…. (there are SO many things).

However, there have been so many things recently that have put my situation into perspective. My friends who have micro-preemie babies, my friend who lost her sister in an act of violence, the fires in Colorado, the shooting in Aurora, deaths of children…

But, the beauty of having a personal God is that He still cares about what is important to me in the midst of harder situations going on with people around me. My problems are not even close to as big as the ones listed above… but that doesn’t make them less important to God, I have to remember that.

I think the balance lies in remembering others while still presenting requests of my own to the Lord. I have been convicted that I need to present all of my requests and worries to Him and He WILL give me a peace. But, at the same time I have to keep others in prayer as well. We are commanded to pray for one another throughout scripture and scripture is filled with the giants of the Bible lifting others in prayer. 

Praying for others keeps my issues in perspective🙂 If you would like prayer for something please let me know… I want to be praying for others and would appreciate your prayer as well.

Please pray that God would open the doors for Longmont CFA. We still feel a peace that this is where we are supposed to be. We honestly have no idea what is going on with the process. We know that God has brought us this far… if you read my posts dating back in October I was worried about Dave getting into the IM program and honestly he could have been easily rejected due to lack of experience: but he wasn’t. We could have been placed somewhere other than Aurora in January and never learned about Longmont: but we weren’t. God took us to Utah where we pursued Longmont further and they told us we would be placed there: but we were. We thought that we were going to get the store by August: but that is not going to happen. God has opened doors and it is NOT a coincidence that we are here. I am typing all of this to remind myself of that. God has opened the doors and if He wants to He will continue to open doors: it won’t be because of anything that we do. He is in control.

I have seen a lot of posts about prayer being a waste of time in regards to the Aurora shooting. This makes me SO sad for those who truly believe it. Prayer has been the one thing that has gotten me through this process. Dave and I praying together, praying with and for others, praying by myself. Knowing that the God of the universe hears me… it is pretty amazing.

The God of the universe hears when I call on Him. The God of the Universe. again, amazing.

I guess I don’t have to be anxious🙂

Please pray with Dave and me that we would get to stay in Longmont… we love it here:

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