This post is written to a younger me… a me who was “waiting” for a spouse… but I wasn’t really waiting. I was manipulating situations so that I could be in control of relationships. I wanted a man who was a leader, of course, but I wanted to be in control of how the relationship progressed at the same time. In college I would put myself in situations to “bump” into guys I was interested in. I would manipulate shamelessly… ask any of my friends in college, it was kind of a joke.
My “type A” would not allow me to release control to let a guy take the lead. So, when I did end up dating I was disappointed with the lack of leadership in relationships… ummm, really; what did I expect?? I was trying to control things and then I was frustrated that I wasn’t dating guys who were leaders.
I think that with me contentment and control went hand in hand. I wasn’t content with who I was apart from having a guy to validate that (whether I was dating or just chasing). It wasn’t really until I ended a two year relationship after graduating college that I had to step back and take a serious look at who I was in Christ and allow myself to be content on my own.
If we aren’t willing to be secure in ourselves another person will never fill that void. It can only be filled through Christ and releasing those insecurities to Him.
So… after over a year of healing and realizing how I was sabotaging relationships I decided to change my strategy and release things to the Lord. If a guy wanted to pursue me, fine, if not, fine. God was in control, not me. My ways had not been working out too well :).
I started Denver Seminary and met Dave. I thought he was cute but other than that didn’t think much about him. After a few weeks of class he asked for my number and I was really excited. But, he didn’t call. This is where the old Dana wanted to step in. I could have manipulated some sort of situation to where I would “bump” into him. Or I could have tried to call him (this was before facebook and texting were popular). But I didn’t.
I realized that if I wanted to date a leader then I would need to let a guy lead. I would have to release that control to God and to him. I had to be content and secure in who I was. So, I decided that if he called, great and if not that was fine too.
Well… two weeks later he called. I still kept my attitude of what will be will be and I really think God blessed that. Dave stepped up as a leader and was intentional and purposeful in our relationship. I never had to question where we were or wonder about a DTR talk. He took the lead. I don’t think the old Dana would have been patient enough to wait for a man like that… but fortunately God did a lot of work on me and allowed me to meet Dave.
Where have you been trying to manipulate to get your way? Is there an area you need to release and just let God work? It may seem like controlling situations works in the short term, but long term it doesn’t… believe me… I tried over and over again.
God will bless our release to Him. Rest in who you are in Him; being confident in that is the most important thing in all of our relationships.
Oh yeah, Dave did end up marrying me and making me the most blessed woman in the world.